The Likeability Factor

If there is one thing that we have learned so far from all of our analysis, it’s that emotion builds a positivity effect that can have significant impact. We know that once we establish likability, much of what we put forward is viewed through that lens. So significant is the positivity and likability effect, that it carries right through the interview process.

Hopefully, this has already been in play, prior to the interview process being initiated through the following ways.

• We have set up early, friendly and professional dialogue with the recruiter.
• Our collateral is professional and demonstrates character and competence.
• Our online profile is positive reinforcement of the image that we want to portray.
• Our cover letter has hit the main issues being confronted by the organisation.
• Our key messages are delivered in a clear and succinct manner.

And now … they have invited us in for an interview.

The problem

The employment interview is one situation that exploits the capacities for friendliness and imaginative empathy to its fullest extent. Our natural tendency to sympathise with the person across the table drives us to make excuses for their weaknesses or to read more substance into their work or personal experiences than truly exists. At the same time, our programming for classification—sorting people into in-groups and out-groups—can make us harshly judge those who appear to be in the out-group. We will even focus on and exaggerate the differences we perceive. 

Thus, strict controls and lengthy training are needed to make interviews effective procedures for objective judgment, and even then they remain highly vulnerable to empathy and mind-reading biases.

HBR – How Hardwired Is Human Behaviour?

It is suggested by this quote, that empathy is a natural bias that resides in every interview process, Form previous lessons, we saw that mirror neurons come into play, when we observe the emotions of another human being, setting up the same emotional pattern in our brains. It’s that sense of connection that we are looking for in the interview process. For many, empathy is looked as some sort of compassion based process, but this is not the case.

If we came across as enthusiastic, professional, fluent and competent, these are the emotions that will be experienced by the interviewer.

Alternatively, if we come across as boring, conservative, lacking direction and nervous, this is what they too will feel.

What is empathy?

A simple definition of empathy is “the tendency to be psychologically in tune with others’ feelings and perspectives.” (Chopik, O’Brien, & Konrath, 2016)

Empathy is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. This can be equally applied to negative emotions (sadness, anger, compassion) as well as positive emotions (joy and happiness).

“Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions; this can include mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety. “Cognitive empathy,” sometimes called “perspective taking,” refers to our ability to identify and understand other people’s emotions.

Empathy seems to have deep roots in our brains and bodies. Empathy has been associated with two different pathways in the brain, and scientists have speculated that some aspects of empathy can be traced to mirror neurons, cells in the brain that fire when we observe someone else perform an action in much the same way that they would fire if we performed that action ourselves. Research has also uncovered evidence of a genetic basis for empathy, though studies suggest that people can enhance (or restrict) their natural empathic abilities.

From the moment that we walk into the room, we are capitalising on the positivity effect that we already built, earlier in the process. Simple nudge factors can have profound impact on how the interview process rolls out.

• Smile, be natural and friendly. Smile with your eyes as well as your mouth.
• Be dressed immaculately, showing attention to detail and pride in appearance.
• Be polite, shake hands and tell them that it’s a pleasure to meet them. Thank them for their time.
• Sit upright and slightly forward on the chair, showing engagement and connection.
• Make eye contact with everybody involved, especially if it is a panel interview. Give equal time to all parties.
• Control your hands and the way that you use them.
• Keep answers concise and focused, but remember your messaging and what you want to say.

Developing empathy

Here are some ways to build and work on empathy in an interview scenario. Remember, we are looking to build a sense of connection between all the parties involved.

Be self-aware – get a sense as to the way that the interview needs to flow and the different personalities involved. Take a few moments to analyse the feel of the interview process and the type of responses that you may need to deliver. Be honest with your own feelings and don’t try to come across as something that you are not.

Observe body language – Watch for the signs as to how your responses are impacting on the process. Adjust if you need to and if their body language tells you that you didn’t hit the mark, then call out your intuition. “I’m curious, I feel like that response wasn’t quite what you were looking for. Is there something else that In can offer?” Often we can tell a lot by watching other people’s body language or non-verbal cues. Watch for facial expressions, hand motions, gestures and tone of voice.

Be in tune to someone’s emotional truth – It’s more important how a person says something than by what they say. Studies have shown that 90 percent of the messages we receive from other people are nonverbal. Tune into the clues that might be available and don’t be afraid of calling them out. Capitalise on positive emotions that you are feeling by using the technique more often.

Be a good listener. To be empathetic you have to really hear what the other person is telling you. To develop empathy, it’s important be curious as to the position of the other person and to enquire as to their thinking. Give the other person a chance to express themselves and refrain from interrupting.

Suspend judgement and disbelief. While listening is key to developing empathy, it’s also important not to judge what the person is telling you. It’s equally important not to offer tips or suggestions. When you want to fix someone else’s problem, then there’s a good chance you’re not empathetic. If you’re thinking about fixing the problem, you’re not in tuned to what they’re going through. Don’t offer solutions to any issues that they may wish to talk about, in case the solution you put forward is not the one they are thinking about. Always have a range of possibilities and with further clarification, you will be able to be more succinct. That can wait till after you have the job.

Put aside your own views and values – It’s important to do this so that you’re completely focused on the other person’s needs. Remember, this is about an adult to adult conversation, so it’s important that they are equally engaged in the dialogue. Use questions to inquire as to what the issues are or what they are thinking.

First Impressions

A Harvard psychologist says people judge you based on 2 criteria when they first meet you.

People size you up in seconds, but what exactly are they evaluating?

Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy has been studying first impressions alongside fellow psychologists Susan Fiske and Peter Glick for more than 15 years, and has discovered patterns in these interactions.

In her new book “Presence,” Cuddy says people quickly answer two questions when they first meet you:

• Can I trust this person?
• Can I respect this person?

Psychologists refer to these dimensions as warmth and competence respectively, and ideally you want to be perceived as having both.

Interestingly, Cuddy says that most people, especially in a professional context, believe that competence is the more important factor. After all, they want to prove that they are smart and talented enough to handle your business. But in fact warmth, or trustworthiness, is the most important factor in how people evaluate you. “From an evolutionary perspective,” Cuddy says, “it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.” It makes sense when you consider that in cavemen days it was more important to figure out if your fellow man was going to murder you and steal all your possessions than if he was competent enough to build a good fire.

While competence is highly valued, Cuddy says it is evaluated only after trust is established. And focusing too much on displaying your strength can backfire. Cuddy says people are often so concerned about coming across as smart and competent that it can lead them to skip social events, not ask for help, and generally come off as unapproachable. These overachievers are in for a rude awakening when they don’t get the job offer because nobody got to know and trust them as people.

“If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative,” Cuddy says. “A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.”

Amy Cuddy – Harvard Social Psychologist

Likability – The Pratfall Effect

The Pratfall Effect is an interesting psychological phenomenon that says that competent people appear more likeable and attractive when they make a mistake than when they are perfect.

The basis of the effect was a study at the University of California led by Elliot Aronson where a researcher was invited to answer a series of quiz questions. The contestant answered competently and scored 90%. A team of scientists then created two tapes: one that was unchanged and one in which the contestant could be heard spilling a fictitious cup of coffee over himself at the end. These two tapes were then played to a series of panels who were asked to rate the likability of the contestants. In all of the studies, the panels rated the person spilling the cup of coffee in the second tape higher than the person in the first tape.

Wiseman concludes that people find it hard to associate with others who are highly competent, perhaps more so than themselves but warm to others who are flawed and just like themselves.

How can we use this to our advantage? A lot of people think that admissions of failure, mistakes or flaws will work against them in an interview situation. Not so. A similar study to the California study was carried out by a team at Swansea University in Wales led by Jo Sylvester. This time the researchers looked at the effect of admitting to past mistakes in an interview. The team found that those who were doing well in the selection process, for example, those in a second interview, were likely to be considered more likeable if they admitted to past mistakes then if they covered them up or were reluctant to talk about them. Here the reasoning seems to be that, when you take ownership for pratfalls, even if others contributed to them, you are regarded as more responsible and reliable.

The Recruiters Perspective

What’s next?

In the next lesson, we will unpack some great ideas and tips around how to control the dialogue when you are in the interview situation. We will also explore a little further into human behaviour and the transactional processes that happen in the interview scenario, that will have you feeling and ultimately presenting you and your story with more comfort and authenticity.