The Emotional Process

Emotional connection and likability are critical components of the interview process. Building a personal rapport and a strong ‘Likability’ factor, have a really significant impact. Not just an ‘nice person’ kind of likability, but a strong and ongoing effect that will support your endeavours. It has to transcend a transactional likability into a desire and compulsion to have you as part of their team or business.

‘Emotional Momentum’ means that we can build layers of positive emotion, creating stronger and deeper intimacy. We saw that this was called a ‘Positivity Effect’, and it’s a powerful method for influencing people and is something that can impact longer term connections and overcome barriers. 

Using emotion to our advantage

If first impressions and by association, the way that I feel about you is important, then we need to understand what the emotional process looks like. When it comes to the selection process that someone is going through, we have to remember that emotion is a big driver behind the decision.
You may be the best at what you do, but if I don’t like you, I am less likely to hire you.

That ‘likeability factor’ does not just happen, it requires an investment in an emotional process, that brings this about. We call this emotional momentum. Emotional momentum has 4 distinct stages that we need to develop, if ‘likability’ is going to potentially occur. 

Curiosity, Connection, Credibility and finally, Compulsion.

Curiosity: For me to want to develop a more intimate connection with you I have to be curious about you. There has to be things about you that I find interesting. Now we can rely on our work history to do that, but that won’t make us a candidate of choice, what will make us a candidate of choice is the degree to which I feel some sort of reaction to you. This reaction may be subconscious. If people have a broadly positive impression of you, this has a significant impact. (We will come back to this later) 

Stories are the key to building curiosity.  

Connection: If I chose to connect it’s because there is something about you that I like. A sense that we should explore this fledgling relationship in greater detail. I want to see if my instincts about you were correct and we should explore these things in more detail. I look forward to having a conversation with you to see if my instincts about you were right and to develop a greater level of connection. If my reality matches my initial impressions, we have a very powerful emotional mix.

Connection occurs when I start to like you … not just because I met you.

Credibility: In this instance, despite the fact that I like you, you still need to be capable. I need to know that you are competent. This however is only a checking process, to ensure that I cover this area off. It is assumed that you are as I have read your resume and looked at your LI profile, so we need to go through the process, but often times I have already made up my mind. I often hear people debriefing after interviews and they use expressions like “they were really lovely, or I really like them or weren’t they impressive”. Emotive comments, despite them having been through what they perceive to be a logical process. The reality is that I will overlook certain competency shortfalls, if the emotional pull is strong enough. “I can teach them that, or they will pick that up no probs or they’re clearly a fast learner”.

The employment interview is one situation that exploits the capacities for friendliness and imaginative empathy to its fullest extent. Our natural tendency to sympathise with the person across the table drives us to make excuses for their weaknesses or to read more substance into their work or personal experiences than truly exists. At the same time, our programming for classification—sorting people into in-groups and out-groups—can make us harshly judge those who appear to be in the out-group. We will even focus on and exaggerate the differences we perceive. Thus, strict controls and lengthy training are needed to make interviews effective procedures for objective judgment, and even then, they remain highly vulnerable to empathy and mind-reading biases.

(HBR – How hard wired is human behaviour)

I still need to feel that you will be good at doing the job. 

Compulsion: The final desired emotion is compulsion. We want them to be unequivocal in their mind that you are the perfect person for the role. Not only do you now have that relaxed relationship with them, but they can imagine themselves working with you and that outcome is a pleasurable experience for them. That is, I feel happy with my choice and look forward to us starting that journey together.

Compulsion means that I’m your advocate and a fan of your selection.

Remember …People feel our presence and will respond, even if they are unaware as to what that means and how it is influencing their decisions.
Each emotion builds on the other. Curiosity builds a desire to connect. The more I get to know you and your story, the more credible you become and when I’m convinced as to your credibility and character, we see compulsion start to emerge.

Your vulnerabilities are a positive

There is a thing called the Pratfall Effect which is really interesting. Essentially, it outlines that a person that makes a mistake is more likeable (normal) then someone that is perfect. In accepting that, we accept that vulnerability and transparency are an asset not a liability. 

The phenomenon was widely suggested as an effective persuasion technique by Dr Richard Wiseman in his book, “59 Seconds – Think a Little, Change a Lot“. The basis of the effect was a study at the University of California led by Elliot Aronson where a researcher was invited to answer a series of quiz questions. The contestant answered competently and scored 90%. A team of scientists then created two tapes: one that was unchanged and one in which the contestant could be heard spilling a fictitious cup of coffee over himself at the end. These two tapes were then played to a series of panels who were asked to rate the likeability of the contestants. In all of the studies, the panels rated the person spilling the cup of coffee in the second tape higher than the person in the first tape.

Wiseman concludes that people find it hard to associate with others who are highly competent, perhaps more so than themselves but warm to others who are flawed and just like themselves. This is important, particularly when we are confronted with a question about our weaknesses. Sometimes, honesty’s the best policy. They will like us even more as a result. 

So, what does all that mean? It means that being open to talking about our inherent weaknesses, without feeling like we need to turn them into a strength, will ensure greater intimacy in the conversation and greater connection.

ActionWhat stories can I use to build a sense of curiosity about me and about my work history? Am I prepared to bring a bit of honesty and vulnerability to the conversation? 
Am I clear on what I stand for and how to demonstrate that through stories?

People love being with other people, particularly with people that they like. Those that we like, we overlook their shortcomings, desiring to maintain the perceptions that we have of them. We like people that are a little imperfect, more than we like people that seem perfect. Your imperfections are a strength. Creating a relationship with the recruiter can mean that certain competencies are overlooked and certain competencies  are enhanced, leading to a more favourable outcome. 

Additional Information

Likability is more important than competency

What’s next?

We now understand that the process that we are going through is a deep emotion based process, at a conscious and subconscious level. Whether we like it or not, how I feel about something is going to influence my decision making, especially when it comes to choosing a relationship with another person. We now turn our attention to building that connection with others and using our understanding of the decision making process, to build presence that stands out.